Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
