wat bout pragnant strippers??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
how drunk are you?
Several
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
