he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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