Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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