yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
