I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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