Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
