He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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