You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
