We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
