Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize