it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
