8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
