I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
