He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
