I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize