Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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