I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
