every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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