Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
