Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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