Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
