How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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