Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
