he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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