and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
