The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
