the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
