I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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