Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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