Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
