oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize