why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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