I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
