Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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