Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
