my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
