And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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