Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
