You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
