Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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