some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
