the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
