Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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