You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
