Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
