I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
