Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
is wine microwaveable?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
