I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize