I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
