Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
