"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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