So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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