1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
