Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
