LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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