I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
