just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
