Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
