That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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