Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
