She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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