he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
