I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm at about main and main street
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
