he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
