Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize